Meeting with the Mother:

A remembrance from my childhood

Dr. Beena R. Nayak

All can be done... .and the flame.

The above lines of Canto One Book One - The Symbol Dawn from Sri Aurobindo's epic poem 'Savitri', expresses the whole and the sum total of the experience of meeting with the Mother at the Sri Aurobindo Ashram Pondicherry, signaling the end of a dark night into a beautiful dawn, of my spirit.

I met Her at the end of my fourth standard in the summer vacation in 1970. My maternal grandfather, Bapa, who had become Her follower in the 1940s took me on a flying visit to Her for the April 24 Darshan. I was a student at the local convent and I was my Bapa's pet who had recently arrived from Zambia. He had Sri Aurobindo's darshan in the 1940s and since he was at India he was keen to attend a darshan each year. His maternal cousin, Shri Ambelal Mehta, Bhai, had joined the Ashram in the early 1900s. Their family traditionally were devotees of the saints of the Avdhoot tradition under the auspicious deity, Dattatreya.

I had already been introduced to the Mother's signed picture to which my Bapa used to offer his pranaam each morning before starting his day. She, in the black and white photo, looked like a white lotus to me, which I later learnt was indeed Her form in flowers, Aditi. I of course was equally attracted to the offer to go to Pondicherry because it would be my first flight in India, since I could remember. After reaching Madras, now Chennai, and speeding along the old Madras Road, I remember looking at the

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coastal beaches and falling into a deep sleep from which I only woke up on reaching the Ashram dwelling on Chetty street which Bhai shared with two young men, Deepak and Hrishi. I felt all of them as warm affection and they first suggested we visit the Samadhi before the doors would close before the night meditation.

I was still drowsy as we entered a beautiful perfumed flower garden with dim lights where people were sitting around mostly in white shirts and khakhi shorts. My senses but suddenly came fully awake as I entered a dreamlike moment as we were standing near the Samadhi of Sri Aurobindo, a white marble slab with heavenly incense filling all my senses and with the smoke fringes of the incense my eyes lifted to a room with wooden shutters where I saw a lady in white, mostly Her great eyes looking upon me. I came fully awake. I was suddenly Her child and all the distance had disappeared. I felt so awake, alive and at home. The wonderful in my life had begun. From then on the Smile only widened as my awareness of that Wonder grew in the light of my life.

On the next day we were part of the small crowd, looking up at the balcony where the Mother normally appeared. People were not sure if She would be there. Suddenly a light rain began, but the crowd stood hopeful, looking up and slowly She appeared. I do not remember how She appeared but can only remember the feeling of gratitude, joy and love that swept upon the crowd at the moment. I did not think of anything and only felt a part of the One.

Since we had arrived Bapa was putting in small notes of request to the Mother for a personal audience, but until the morning of 25^th we had no reply from Her. Then, after a nice breakfast at Park S'Bonne on the sea, we sat at the Samadhi and my Bapa said "still no answer. But maybe She will listen if you ask Her?" So in my ugly handwriting I simply wrote to Her, "Mother, will you please call us to see You?" A group of people were already in an inner courtyard who had received the permission for Her audience.

We were not one of them, I could really feel the same disappointment as my Bapa and Bhai, that we would not get to

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meet with Her. Then Bapa suddenly saw one of the inmates calling him and he rushed me and my father inside. So really we were at the end of a slow que of people who went forward with a prayer almost palpable mingling with the jasmine and rose scent of flowers arranged beautifully everywhere in symbolic patterns and the heavenly incense once again. I was very nervous and feeling shy as I followed my Bapa and father upstairs to the room above the Samadhi.

Space, time as a continuum of my consciousness was concentrated on one point - what must I do when I meet Her, how must I bow to Her. Because of a father who was always inviting sadhus to our home and taking me to see renowned spiritual teachers of the time, I was not new to the concept of Darshan, pranaam and ashirvaad. But somehow because of all the wonderful experiences since our arrival and listening to the loving records from the memories of Bhai and his two roommates, I felt like I really belonged in that space, I was in my space and I was about to meet someone who was mine or someone who was not a stranger.

As we entered into a room filled with beautiful things in all corners we first bowed to the photo of Sri Aurobindo but that was really not the point. I felt as if I was now being carried along on a great wave of love and compassion forward and finally in a space near the balcony I saw people bowing to someone in a chair, receiving something from the great man standing near Her in a flowing white beard, later I came to know as 'Her lion, Champaklalji'. Then my Bapa's turn came, then my Pap's and then it was my turn! I can still remember how it felt inside but even now cannot find the right words to describe that whole experience. I first knelt in front of Her and then bowed with all the feeling in me and overwhelmed as I was by Her brilliant Smile, found myself totally embraced with my face on Her lap. I do not remember how long was that moment! How to measure that Time encapsulating the golden memories of all lifetimes into that one true moment, when all the prayers and yearnings were answered in one signal moment of Her touch! But then I was standing up

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smiling with my hands folded and then Champaklalji gave me lots of flowers, cards and sweets and took me through to the door. Later as we climbed down he was sent again with some more things for me and he asked if we had visited the new township of Auroville. And if we hadn't we should. As we had hired a taxi to Bangalore the next day, we agreed that it was a great idea to take a ride down to the new township of Auroville. As we sat for a brief moment at the Samadhi I realized in my overflowing heart that I had met my true Mother. In that same new identity I overflowed on that same big wave of love and joy into Auroville, where we visited the beginnings of Matrimandir, the school at Promesse, the school and the community of Aspiration and my first ride through the red sands under the cashew topes of Auroville. But somehow all that was significant was the Blessings that made me feel like I had now Everything! All that was sad was now joyous, all that was lonely in me was now filled with Her majestic Presence. I was someone now. I was the Mother's child now and forever. I was Home.

(This second edition is corrected for some factual errors in the first edition in Darshan published in 2006.)

(Dr. Beena R. Nayak is a medical practitioner with an MBA, residing in Gujarat, India. She has been connected with the city of Auroville since 1993 in the capacity of a physician. She had the great fortune to have the Mother's Darshan in 1970 with her grandpa, Balvantrai Durlabhrai Desai well-known in the Ashram as Kalubhai a devotee of Sri Aurobindo since the 1920s.)

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The united Two began a greater age.

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